Lou-Ann Anderson

How I Healed Myself 

Lou-Ann's Story:

As a child I was painfully shy. I recently realized that the pain of being shy was the feeling of being uncomfortable with who I am. That sense of somehow being defective has been a driving force in my life. Being shy caused me to miss out on many experiences. I rarely spoke to anyone and had difficulty making friends. In school I was always terrified that I would be called upon to answer a question. When we were assigned presentations, I was nervous from the moment the teacher made the announcement until the presentation was finally finished. When I spoke in public, my mouth was dry and I rambled through quickly in order to get the attention off of me. I didn’t do well in sports. I prayed that the ball would never come to me. In general, I was quiet and reserved. I did not want to be seen or heard, or so I thought. Teachers often said that I daydreamed a lot. Thinking was an escape for me.

For most of my life I’ve worked at jobs that paid the bills but never really felt like me. I did a lot of service-oriented work. I taught English for 6 years in Japan. I became a Personal Support Worker and did homecare for many years. I loved helping people but I became disillusioned with the system. I saw people taking handfuls of pills every day and getting sicker and sicker. It was painful to watch my clients deteriorate and die. I wondered if there was something I could do to help people improve their health? 

Being shy affected my relationships. I didn’t say what I wanted. Sometimes I didn’t know what I wanted. I was very focused on understanding, accepting, forgiving and excusing other people’s behavior. My habit was to put up with things and bottle up my emotions until I finally exploded in an irrational, blubbering tirade that was overblown for the circumstances. When I was hurt, I would shut down and it would take a long time, sometimes weeks before I would “thaw” out and start expressing myself again. 

Over the years I’ve done a lot of work on myself and made a lot of changes. I had a homecare client that used to say, “What are you mumbling about?” I made a conscious decision to speak louder and more clearly. I decided that if I was going to speak, I might as well be heard. I’d like to say that listening to my intuition, along with my perseverance and determination is what helped me to find my authentic voice but I cannot take credit for all my decisions. Sometimes I was dragged kicking and screaming into situations that forced me to change. Pain is an excellent motivator. It was as if another part of me, probably my authentic self, set up situations for me to learn. Seen from that perspective, when things didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, it was really a blessing in disguise. I’ve learned to be more flexible in my thinking and accepting that life is supporting me for my highest good, even when it doesn’t feel that way. 

Living in Japan accelerated my growth. It caused me to question my beliefs and behaviors. I had to learn to be comfortable with being constantly stared at and I had to learn to interact with people in many different situations. Learning to speak Japanese taught me to be aware of the hierarchy in relationships. In Japanese, the more passive the language structure is, the more polite it is. I also learned to appreciate the gentle, yet powerful way that Japanese women express themselves. Japan was both the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me. 

In 1992 I married a Japanese man whom I’d been friends with for 6 years. I was looking forward to becoming a more permanent member of Japanese society and raising a family there. The marriage turned out very differently than I imagined. My husband quit his job before the wedding and never looked for work. He criticized me constantly. In desperation, I contacted his family and asked for help. I was told to “obey your husband”. After 7 months of marriage, my husband said he would return to his hometown to find a job and a place for us to live. I came home from work one day to find him gone. He left a nasty letter that said it was over. I was in shock. How could this happen after everything I did for him? Was I that bad? How could I have been so wrong about him?

The morning after he left I woke up with the thought, “He’s never thought of me as a wife or partner, he thinks of me as his mother”. I started to replay every conversation Cont'd at Right...

 

we ever had and I reviewed his behavior. It all started to make sense. He had expected me to be his new mommy. 

I was so shocked by this realization that I stopped sleeping and eating. One day I cried for so long that my stomach ached. I sat on the kitchen floor and when the sobbing stopped, I felt joy arising in me. I had never felt joy before and didn’t know that it is a real emotion. This was my first awakening experience. In the days ahead, I began to feel energy inside and outside of my body. Colours became vivid and sharp, as if I was seeing in high definition. I started receiving information rapidly, as if downloading it. There were amazing experiences but there were also times when everything looked grey and I felt an evil presence. My world was turned upside down.

In the end, I was hospitalized and unconscious for several days. My parents came to help. I got divorced, gave away most of my belongings and moved back to Canada. I felt like I had lost everything; my job, my friends, my money, my chance to have children, my health, even my sanity. The recovery process was slow. I was very weak and it was difficult to think. I could see words but I wasn’t able to hold them in my mind. It took 9 months for me to be able to read again. 

Over the years I have experimented with many things to make me feel better. I’ve seen numerous therapists, taken aptitude and interest tests and I’ve participated in many workshops on health, spirituality and personal growth. The gift of my Japanese experience is that it showed me that the world is a beautiful and magical place. I wanted to heal completely in order to experience a permanent state of love, joy and peace. 

In 2002 I decided to face my biggest fear and take singing lessons to see if I could overcome my fear of singing in public. I was so embarrassed at my first lesson that I had trouble making a sound. I had to clear my throat constantly. I fantasized that one day the blockage in my throat would release and I would discover a beautiful, free voice. That hasn’t happened—yet but I was eventually able to perform solo. During one performance, my voice cracked on a high note and I shut down for 3 weeks. I joined a Ladies Choir and enjoyed doing concerts and dinner shows and socializing with outgoing people. With experience, I became more relaxed in public but I never fully overcame my fear. I now know that the key to overcoming anxiety is to be fully present and stand in your power.

In 2012 I started a website called How I Healed Myself.com in order to share stories of how people have healed from chronic and life-threatening disease. I feel that every time someone heals naturally that success needs to be celebrated in order to shift our consciousness and transform health. In 2014 I added a weekly blog where I talk about my new PEI life. I’ve discovered that I love sharing. In fact, I love being seen and heard! It turns out that my deepest fear was actually preventing me from experiencing my greatest joy—the joy of self-expression and creativity. In 2015, I completed my first book, which is based on my awakening experiences. I share the most powerful tools I’ve found for personal and planetary transformation. I call the book “Now Is The Time To Shine!” but I could have called it “Now Is My Time To Shine!” since I feel that now is the time for me to get out and show the world who I am. I currently live in a beautiful place with a man who loves and appreciates me. We’ve been together for 12 years. Life is good. I’ve never been happier. I’ve found my authentic self and am expressing my unique voice in the world. And I’m just getting started. 

Find out more about Lou-Ann Anderson by visiting her Website, Following her on FacebookLinkedIn & Blog  



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