I turned 34 years old this year, and it couldn’t be scarier that I will soon be in my mid-30s, and even worse, that I will be approaching 40. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if wrinkles are starting to show, if my black hair is quickly turning grey, and if I am physically getting weaker.
When I was in my 20s, I feared the 30s. I used to look at people in their 30s and up and think:
“Damn, they are old!”
And now? I am the victim of my own comment.
When I was 29 years old, I started to mentally get ready for the idea of starting a new decade of my life. I spoke with friends and colleagues about their experience with reaching their 30s, and somehow, they normalized the idea that age is just a number. But then, with the women I spoke to, they told me more:
“I loved being in my 30s! The 30s are the best years of a woman. As soon as I turned 30, I cared less about other people’s opinions and became more unapologetic.”
These words gave me courage, put me at ease, and made me look at my 30s differently
All these years, the fear of aging was fueled by what society really thinks about getting old, especially when it comes to women. Men are not criticized for their looks when they age. On the contrary, they are glamorized with comments such as: “Men age like fine wine.”
Whereas women are ignored, body-shamed and told they are: “Too old” or even that they are ugly. I have seen this with Bollywood movies: when you are young, pretty, and single, everyone wants you for every single item song or movie.
However, as soon as you get married or reach your 30s, no movie role is offered to you. A lot of these women find solutions in cosmetics or plastic surgery to be accepted by what society considers standards.
Now, going back to me, when I finally reached my 30s, I saw it as a rebirth for me, a moment in time to reinvent myself, and follow my ambitions. I took a lot of the advice given to me and applied it in my daily life.
Indeed, it was a mental work that I had to do to see my 30s as my most beautiful number. It was in my 30s that I slowly started to pursue some of my passions and cared less about people’s opinions and judgments.
I jumped into opportunities such as launching my first podcast, writing my first book, and going on travel adventures. I totally embraced the definition of unapologetically adventurous.
With aging, I became more experienced, more knowledgeable, and wiser, as many say to me, but I always remembered to keep a young heart and surround myself with young and joyful individuals. At the end, it is true when they say:
“You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of the time with.”
With aging, I also gained a sense of respect from others. Now my words and my actions are taken seriously, and I have managed to put boundaries in place without feeling guilty about it or being responsible for other people’s reactions.
I also learned many lessons when I reached my 30s—true friendships will stay, while others will walk away, and it’s okay to let them go. I learned about resilience and tenacity by failing exams or getting rejected from job applications, but it is more important to stand up and keep going than to complain about it. My most important lesson of all, however, was the value of time and the memories we build with people.
While my 20s are often associated with having a lot of friends, buying things, or partying, my 30s are more about quality and creating memories. I value a dinner with a few friends rather than having a huge group of people. I value the importance of investing in myself through courses, reading, and studying, rather than spending money on items that won’t appreciate. And I learned about giving time to people as a gift rather than buying an item. Indeed, the most beautiful gift a person can ever give or receive is time—dedicating undivided attention to someone through listening, by being there when needed, is what people will appreciate the most. At the end, “It’s not what people say, but how they make you feel.”
In my 30s, as I started to choose myself and seek my inner happiness, I saw how this was reflected in my outer image. How you feel inside shows on the outside. If you glow from the inside, you will glow from the outside.
Next time, when someone says, “You are old.”
Just say: “Every wrinkle, and every gray hair is a story of courage, love, and resilience.”
